Day 13: A letter to someone who has hurt you

This has taken me a long time to face. Now that I am over it, I can move on.

Dear Self Esteem Stealer:

It was something that I never thought twice about, like the air that I breathe.
There was a time that I thought you would never hurt me. Although you ever hit me, the blows with your words hurt much worse. And their scars were much deeper.
For years, you called me fat, dumb, stupid, and you walked all over me. I thought it was okay, I thought it was normal, and I thought you loved me.

When you left, you took my self esteem, my self confidence, and my self worth. I had nothing left.
Well guess what? I found it.
It may have took me some time. Some searching high and low. There was even a period of time that I pretended that I had it for so long, that people started to believe it, even me. I faked it til I made it!

When I did get it all back. It was much better than ever. And I found an amazing guy that builds me up every day. I surround myself with great friends and family that make me believe it too!!

You are still mean, and still try to tear people down. It isn't going to work with me. I am better than that. I am worth so much more. You cant bring me down.

K bye!

Day 12 Books I am currently reading or would like to read.

I FINALLY like reading. It only took a quarter century of my life to get to the point where I enjoy it.

Currently, I am reading MockingJay which is the third book in the Hunger Game Series.

I know that I blogstalk a lot thanks to my sisters help. Its fun!! But I heard about this book from a pretty awesomespice blogger, then found out a lot of my friends were reading it or have read it. 

I was looking for a book to take on a mini vacay. My sis said I had to read the Hunger Games. I was hooked right from the start. I am sad that this is the last of the series. 

What will I read next?

     I got a Nook for my birthday! 

And a gift card for it! So I now have many more options available to me. This also helps me to love reading more & want to read.

 I think the next one I am going to read is The Pact by Jodi Picoult. I heard she is a pretty good author so I am very much looking forward to this book. Another author that I want to check out is Sarah Dessen. 

I usually always read Nicholas Sparks and James Patterson. However, because those are the only authors that I read, they all have similar backgrounds. I need a new change in authors and book styles. 

So thanks to my Nook and my friends suggestions, I have so many options to chose from. 

Day 11 -Another picture of you and your friends

This is from my 29th birthday dinner. 

I can say that friends can be sisters, and sisters can be friends. 

Thats who these girls are. My sisters. My friends.

Week End Wrap Up

    This weekend was pretty snazzy, if I do say so myself. There was a lot of things going on that kept me busy. All of it was the good type of busy that I love.
    Friday we came home from our week in Palm Springs. As much as I like traveling, I like being home. First thing in the morning, we headed to Starbucks and hit the road. We got home by the afternoon to be able to relax from the long drive.
    Saturday was a day that I had wanted to do for a while. I got in touch with a great photographer alisoncolleen.blogspot.com to take pictures of my sister & I. It is something that my sister has been wanting us to do, especially before I move next month. I thought it would be a great thing just the two of us, so that we will both have these pictures to look back at. It turned out to be fun, and I cannot wait to see the end result. I know they will be amazeballs because thats pretty much all Alison knows how to do. :]
After that we grabbed some lunch & shopped around at some sweet shops in downtown Mesa. Gotta love the vintage scene down there. Personally I can definitely see myself down there again to shop around. Jess scored a great bed for a steal of a deal. I am super jealous of it. Like super jealous.
    Saturday was basically the day that I had been looking forward to, so after that was done, the rest of the weekend was all a bonus.
    Sunday funday was filled with Easter treats and legal carbs! YAY finally!! I have finally made it 40 days, carb-free. There was so much stuff that I wanted and was feigning for. The first thing turned out to be chips and salsa and let me just say that it wasn't even worth it. I felt sluggish and lethargic pretty much all day. More about that another time. There was Easter egg hunts, water balloons, and I secretly made cascarones which was a great surprise! Well not for the victims.
    When that was all done & the house was all cleaned up, we went to AJ's Fine Foods for some sweet pastries and went out for a relaxing drive. A great way to end the evening.
     Now to mentally prepare myself for tomorrow. I hope your weekend & holiday was great too!

Day 11 -Another picture of you and your friend

This is me and my friend Kerri. She is pretty much awesome!

On a side note, this is making me realize that I do not have a lot of pictures of me with m friends. I do have friends, just no pictures.

Day 10- Songs I listen to when I am Happy, Sad, Bored, Mad, ETC.

When I am bored I can listen to just about anything, as I usually do. My favorite type of music would be 50's &60's (Thank you Dad), country, Rock, and Alternative. Ryan HATES that I know every song on the radio and that I can sing them all word for word. No matter what station the radio is on. 

A few weeks ago I got an early birthday present from my love. I got to go to the Janet Jackson Number Ones Concert. She is by far my all time favorite music artist. She played all the best songs and girl, did they bring back some memories. Together Again made me just bawl my eyes out. I had not heard that song in years and I was not aware of the memories & power that song has on me.

When I am sad I like to listen to Adeles new CD 21, or Avril Lavigne's Under My Skin and Let Go CD's. They make me feel empowered after I am done with them. When I am out walking in the mornings or when I need some energy to get me going, I turn on some Rob Zombie Educated Horses, Astro-Creep 2000 or Hellbilly Deluxe. He is one of my favorites along with other great faves like Godsmack, Tool, and Limp Bizkit. Anything from them and I am all set to go! These ones actually help for when I am completely mad too. I just turn it on full blast to where I can't even hear my own thoughts. It definitely helps.

For love, I love Carrie Underwood, some old Alicia Keys, Michael Buble, Taylor Swift of course that goes without saying. My sister lifeat554.blogspot.com got me into this one CD by The Format called Interventions and Lullubies. I still listen to it a lot and I LOVE it. She makes real good mix tapes. She has amazeballs taste in music and knows the type of stuff that I like. Actually a lot of the music on both my ipods and the CDs in my car are from her music collection.

There is so much more that I can pull up on my ipod but I could just go on forever. I have a wide range of music that I like/love. Some that have good memories, some that have great memories.

Dia Nueve- Something You Are Proud Of In The Past Few Days.

For the past few days I am proud of my self for sticking to eating healthy food on a consistent basis. It is hard for me when my significant other is not such a healthy eater. He is always the one that wants to dine out or grab some type of fast food. Sometimes I enjoy it, but I find that there are less and less times that I can actually look forward to going out to dinner because we do it so often.

I am proud of me for staying on track when we go out to eat. I do not give into any temptations when we are out. It is especially hard when I am faced with other people eating whatever they want and being able to enjoy themselves. Then I came to the realization that I can still order good, healthy food, and not feel like I am being deprived. I feel like I am being empowered to make better decisions that are going to benefit me in the long run.

I was also very proud of myself when we went out of town and I had actually lost weight. I was so excited because usually before we even leave, my pants do not fit.

Another great thing that happened was a few weeks ago I had tried on a pair of shorts from last summer and they were basically skin tight. Yesterday, I put them on and they were loose. Somewhat baggy I might say. When I ran to the park with the boys, they were falling down. It was such a great feeling to know that I had made such an improvement in the past few weeks.

I love food. I do.

     As you know, I gave up starches for lent. No bread, no pasta, no fun stuff that tastes so goooood. I gave it up for lent last year and it was easy. I tried to give it up during the summer and...fail. I think it is the whole religious aspect of it, not the diet thing. This year, it is going quite well. Once I got the handle on things, and house stocked with the foods I can have, it is actually pretty easy. Fridays is the hardest because I can't have meat or starches. It also helps me feel a lot better with the Chronic Fatigue and thyroid issues that I have. No carbs=more energy=happy me! 

     So the other day, I was at the airport looking for a snack to subside the hunger 'til I got home. As Steven was picking out candy and chips, I found a new snack bar that I love. I have had one before but I guess it was different because it did not taste as delish as this one. It was called Kind Plus Cranberry Almond + Antioxidants. I think the best thing about it is that it is Gluten Free. (Long story short I was going to attempt gluten free for lent to help with CFS but too much work.) Anyways. yum. The other bar I got, I had before but I'm addicted to nuts. Nature Valley Sweet & Salty Peanut flavored granola bars. Its hard to have just one. 

There have also been many granola type bars that I particularly love and need to keep on hand at home for the rest of my life.

Here are pics of my granola bars that I enjoy as well as some other tasty snacks that help me to stay away from the starches. 

 

Day 8 -short term goal for this month

Easy. 

Muster up the courage to turn 29. Ugh, 29. Where did that come from? It seems like I just turned 25 a few months ago, barely. And now 29 is creeping up like un ugly pimple. 29 is turning into being a number that not only have I never looked twice at but is such an ugly number. Im sorry 29, but its true. The last digit before the big 3-0. The end of my 20’s. The last number in my “late 20’s”. Not only is it just the age itself but its the fact that I am no where in the professional place that I had envisioned my life to be. I guess the only part of that would be that I am continuing with school to help me get closer to being there. But anyways. I guess no one really copes with the age that they are going to turn so I should just get over it, suck it up, its going to come. And no sooner do I get used to the idea....I will be 30.

Recap of the week

Last week we decided to take a trip to Texas. Kind of at the last minute. I mean because it was not really planned for us to go this early. We needed to make it out there because our move is supposed to happen next month and...we still don't have a place to live. Monday came and we left on our flight to Dallas. Have aI mentioned that I hate flying. Not dislike, not despise, but actually hate it. All of it. That is the only downfall to moving so far from Arizona is the fact that there will be many plane rides in the future.
Any how, after making it safely to the ground and settled in our hotel we decided to go and drive around our new neighborhood to find any homes that were for rent. We had a list that we were going to see with a realtor but we wanted to see if there were more to add to our list.

Tuesday, Steven had a lunch meeting so I took Jacob to a place called The Celebration Station. Kind of lame but he had fun playing video games with me. After that we went and viewed about 6 houses. There was only one that really met our criteria and was ready to live in. Unfortunately it was out of our price range.

We pretty much did the same on Wednesday and Thursday during the days. We did see one last one on Wednesday that we ended up applying for. Only one mile away from the one and probably only friend that I will ever have or make in Texas while I live there.
We did come away with a nice parting gift from Texas. Allergies that turned into a cold. I sound like an old smoker with a good little raspy voice. It makes my singing voice just stand out!!

Lets see what comes of the house hunt. God has a plan and only he knows what is in store for us.

Day 7-someone that has the biggest impact on you

For me, it is not just one person, it is many people. The first person that had a big impact of me was my great grandfather, Tata Serafin. Man, that guy was so fun and really talented. I remember going to his house when I was little and thought how cool it was that he had built it. Yes, he literally built his own house. He was so sweet to all of his great grandkids. He would take us out to his little shop in the back yard and show us what he was working on. He grew is own garden which I thought was super neat because he did it all himself. When he moved from Superior to Cottonwood he again built another house to live in by himself. He had a really cool porch swing that my brother, sister and I would fight over to sit in. He again had a shop and garden in his backyard. He made tables, and chairs and swings and all types of things in that shed of his. It was quite neat and I got a better understanding of where my dad had learned these types of things. His house had this weird smell to it and whenever I find that smell now, I think of him. He always work khaki pants and plaid shirts with white undershirts. All with the exact same paint stain on them. When my tata passed away, that was pretty hard. I still have pieces of furniture in my house that he made.
Another person that actually taught me a lot when I was little was my Tata Pascual. Did that guy know how to draw or what?! He had his own little man cave in the back of his house, full of paints, art supplies, canvases. He had it all back there. He would let us go in there and show us how to draw or certain painting techniques. He would put slides on a projector screen and let us trace it off the walls. He also fought it the war too which I later found to be such an incredible feat to do and come back safe. But after years of working in the mines in Superior, his health was not so good and he passed before I was out of elementary school. He was my dad’s dad, my Tata Serafin’s son. The guy that I got my drawing skills from.

My Nana Dill. Fighter. Strong. Fearless and tearless. I honestly don’t think I have ever seen that woman cry. She told me that there is no need for people to see you cry, you stand up and fight even when there is no fight left in you. Now when things get rough, I think about that and I fight the tears back. At this very moment she has battled cancer, she has knee pain, back pain, chest pain and any other pain you can imagine one to have. Is she complaining? Hell no, as she would say. Whats to complain about, Im still alive right? I think that she is where I get my stubbornness from, but I think she honestly saved the majority of it to pass down to my sister because man is she super stubborn. But anyways. My nana might have cancer again, and she still does not let it get her down. When my uncle died, I never saw that woman shed a tear. Not for lack of emotion but because she is just...strong. She is one of those people that you just know you should not mess with nor do you want to piss her off. Amazing cook though. A great mom to my mom and an amazing Nana to all her grandkids. There for you no matter what. When God decides that it is her time, I can say that I will be broken from the inside and out. I cant imagine my life without her in it, nor do I want to. 

Day 6 -favorite super hero/fictional character and why

This one for me is really somewhat hard. I do not know any one character that I like. There are many that I like and wish I could put them into one and call her “Angela”. I like Mrs. Incredible aka ElastiGirl. She can keep tabs on everything that is going on, multi task with three kids and at the same time manage her family and home. She is spunky and fun for being a mom. She traded in her superhero status for mom and wife status. It may not be all that cool to most but I think she is pretty spiffy. She does everything for her husband and kids but under that apron there is a superhero mom at heart. 

There are sometimes where I feel like I am the Invisible Man. When I am telling the kids to do something and they just do what they want. Or when I state my opinion about something and it is just overlooked. There are just somedays where I think that I have invisible powers more than mom powers. 

I think one of the best super heros that I have always admired since I was little, but is not a fictional character he is very, very real, is my dad. That guy is just so smart. He knows so much stuff that normally people do not know. He knows how to fix any and everything. When we were younger he taught me how to fix up old trucks, woodwork, taught me how to drive, and most importantly raised me to be the person that I am. He was my baseball coach when I was little as well as my brothers. He worked a full time job and still found time to do the small things with us when we were little. Now as a parent I know how hard he worked to be able to give us those things. He is such a great superhero to me. 

The 1st pool day of the year.

This passed Saturday was the first day that we all got to enjoy the pool. We moved in at the end of last summer and only went swimming about ten times. So this year, I would say that we were just itching for the first day that it was hot enough to use that as an excuse. It finally got to 100 degrees out and we were ready to take advantage.

Of course i think we may have been too eager because in the middle of the afternoon right as we were
dipping in, the sun decided to play peek-a-boo with the clouds. It was not too bad, we all still got pretty tan for the most part. Well except the kids because they were covered from head to toe with sunblock!!

I hope there will be a many, many more days where the sun is shining and it is hot enough to jump right in.  It would be nice to enjoy more days like this before we move away. It was nice to have my sister come over and just hang out with us and the boys. I also liked that our "hang out by the pool" turned into an impromptu BBQ with some great friends and there awesome cute boys.

Remind me why I am moving again??
Anyways, here are a couple pics from our fun in the sun.